


I'll Leave it to the Committee

by crossingwinter



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: AU - University, Crack, Davos is Stannis’ personal assistant, Gen, Humor, but I can’t figure out a non-clunky way to tell you, but doesn’t have to be, could theoretically be related to WYWM and WUG, so I’m making it a tag, stannisficartweek, what is this crack and why?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-29
Updated: 2013-10-29
Packaged: 2017-12-30 19:31:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1022541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crossingwinter/pseuds/crossingwinter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Professor Stannis Baratheon, Chair of the Legal and Judicial Studies Department, was a busy man.  Or rather, he was a man who always felt busy because he attacked every project with such energy that even the smallest ones—like planning Jon Snow’s birthday celebration—took on the same level of importance in his mind as the book he was researching on the violations of Habeas Corpus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Leave it to the Committee

**Author's Note:**

  * For [theelusiveflamingo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theelusiveflamingo/gifts).



> Prompt: Stannis and Dolorous Edd plan a birthday party for Jon Snow.

“Really?  It’s just us?” Edd hardly sounded surprised.  On the contrary, he sounded quite resigned to the fact.

Stannis ground his teeth.  Davos could practically hear bits of enamel chipping away from bone.  

“I just hardly think we’re qualified.  Not that that’s ever stopped anyone from making me do anything,” continued Edd.  Stannis looked thoroughly as if there was nothing he’d like more than to stick the peach sitting on his desk into the student’s mouth to make him shut up.  Davos wondered mildly when the peach had appeared.  It hadn’t been there this morning, when Davos had dropped off the books that Stannis had requested from the library.  He supposed Renly must have dropped it off when he’d blown in on his way to visit Highgarden that morning.

“And I suppose it is just a pity that Jon’s friends are all tied down and can’t be here, eh?  They know him better than we do, after all, and—”

“Robb Stark is losing his head over a genetics project,” growled Stannis, “Samwell Tarly is at a conference in Oldtown.  Theon Greyjoy is participating in a regatta.  As for the rest of them, they didn’t even bother to reply to my email.”  (To _my_ email, thought Davos, I was the one that sent it.) “So as far as I am concerned, they are all a group of lazy layabouts who are probably cutting their Philosophy classes to get high in the locker rooms.”

“They would have invited me,” whined Edd.  “And we get high in the windowless classroom beneath Sable Hall, not in the locker rooms.”

“Shall we get started, then?” asked Davos.  “Or shall we wait for someone else to come.”  His pen was poised over his notepad, because he saw no reason not to.  And besides, if Stannis wanted to be rid of Edd Tollett (and Davos could see that he really, _really_ did) then might as well give him the excuse for it.

Professor Stannis Baratheon, Chair of the Legal and Judicial Studies Department, was a busy man.  Or rather, he was a man who always felt busy because he attacked every project with such energy that even the smallest ones—like planning Jon Snow’s birthday celebration—took on the same level of importance in his mind as the book he was researching on the violations of Habeas Corpus.  He was not a man who did anything by half, or indeed, a man who did not set up a committee where a task might just require one man, so he’d emailed ( _Davos_ had emailed, rather.  On Stannis’ orders) Jon’s friends so that they might plan a surprise party for him.

It was a task that was proving difficult—not least because, as a bastard, Jon was not overly fond of being reminded of the day on which he made his illegitimate appearance on earth.  Jon’s friends, while a loyal bunch who had all professed the desire to help, and indeed, celebrate the birthday in question, had none of them made it to this meeting that Stannis had planned.  (Stannis didn’t believe in email planning.  He didn’t think that emails were a way to hold anyone accountable.  And he was determined not to be the only one planning this party.  Even though it was his idea.  And his advisee.)

Stannis looked at his watch, and Davos saw the nerves on the outside corner of his left eye twitch.  “It’s late enough.  We might as well get started.”

“All right by me,” said Edd.  “Get the whole thing over with, I say.”

“The goal of the party,” Stannis said, sounding as though he was reciting a speech that he had prepared (which Davos knew to mean that he had prepared it, in hopes that he would be delivering it to more than just Edd Tollett), “is to be a surprise party.  Because Jon deserves a break after the hard work he has put into his thesis this semester, and because if he knows about it in advance, he’ll not even show up, just out of his own stubbornness and spite.”  Davos retained a sigh.  Stannis _would_ refer to the man whose surprise birthday party he was planning as stubborn and spiteful.  “This means that we will need to have several different modes of set-up and planning, which must be executed carefully, as if Jon gets wind of this, he will cancel  it.  I had hoped that we could discuss distraction tactics,” Stannis glared at Edd, as though it were all his fault, “but given that it’s just the two of us, we might just have to assign the role.”

“Sam can do it.  Or Robb.  I’d offer to myself, but I don’t think I’d be very good at it.”

Davos wrote down in careful letters: _Distraction: Sam, Robb._

“That’s good,” nodded Stannis.  “The other two elements will be the dissemination of invitations to those of Jon’s friends you think worthy, and the acquiring of proper food and drink for the occasion.”

“Theon and Grenn should do the first one.  Theon knows all the girls and Grenn knows all the boys.”

 _Invitations: Theon, Grenn_ , Davos noted.

“And the acquisition of food and drink?” demanded Stannis.

Edd shrugged, “It depends on where it is.  Jon doesn’t approve of drink in his room.  But the rest of them disapprove of Jon’s attitude about drink.”

“And which of you lot doesn’t care?” demanded Stannis, and Davos knew that he couldn’t fathom being at a party with the likes of Edd Tollett without having had at least one beer.  Not that Stannis was one to drink.  Seven Hells, thought Davos, they’ve driven him to drink.

“Theon will probably care the least,” said Edd.  “But it’s probably best if I host.  That way, if the furniture breaks, the University won’t mind.  They know that I tend to cause damage to furniture all on my own, so everyone else breaking my chairs won’t make any difference.”

Stannis simply stared at Edd, as though not wholly understanding what the man had just said.  His decision that he didn’t want to know was evident in his sneer.

 _Host: Edd_ , Davos wrote slowly, giving Stannis time to recover before proceeding.

“Then I suppose I will be in charge of the refreshments,” Davos suggested.  He already knew which bakery would be best.  Marya had strong opinions on frosting, and he wouldn’t let her down by simply going to the Mole’s Town Market.  Not when Hot Pies had a buttercream frosting to die for.

Stannis nodded.

“I expect we’re forgetting something,” said Edd, “but it’s no use trying to remember what.  We will remember too late.  That’s how that always goes.”

“I imagine your 2:30 is outside,” Davos cut in.  Stannis looked at him balefully, then nodded, knowing full well that he didn’t have a 2:30.  But Davos showed Edd out, and set to his computer to send out a summarizing email, hoping that this would not all be for naught.


End file.
